The downstairs neighbor has been listening to Coldplay nonstop for two days. I don’t even know who lives down there, but now I’d guess it’s a guy in his mid-20s who’s just been dumped. And right before Christmas. How sad. I feel like I should bring him some cookies or a six-pack or something. Like I said, I don’t actually know who lives down there. Could be anybody. But two days of Coldplay is a cry for help, in any case. If you ever hear me playing Coldplay more frequently than once in a four-month period, bring me some cookies AND a six-pack.

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