Lo those many years ago (7, to be exact), when I was working on Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign, for which transgression I will never be allowed to work in mainstream US politics (not that I want to anyway) because it is my fault that George W. Bush is president of the US (never mind the 48 million imbeciles who voted for him), my co-workers and I were out drinking after a late night at the office as was our custom. We were already in an advanced state of drunkeness when we somehow wound up sitting with some rather strange people who had gone to high school with one of us. One was a girl named Alice who kept smoothing her eyebrows with her pinky fingers and repeating that the “A” in her name corresponded with the “A” she got in honors English in high school.

Another was a sweaty chubby guy who, upon being introduced to my co-worker Jonah, started shrieking, “Like in the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series number 5! Number 5!” “What?” said Jonah. “Didn’t you read the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series books?” “Well, some of them, I guess,” said Jonah. “There was a character in number 5 named Jonah! Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series number 5!” “OK, man,” said Jonah, who was amused, and probably relieved that at least this guy didn’t say anything about whales like most socially inept people do when they meet someone named Jonah.

Why did I remember this story? Because today Anand sent me this link, to the Choose Your Own Adventure Books That Never Quite Made It. Be sure to look at all the pages, because the funniest ones aren’t on the first page. Here’s a sample:

Dedicated to Jonah Baker. If you’re out there, get in touch, eh? That goes for all you Naderites.

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